A HOT MESS owns every part of herself,
her patterns, and her imperfect journey.
Sure, she has a complicated past.
Some of it may be quite sordid.
Some of it may be exceptionally cringy.
Sure, she’d done some messed up stuff.
That messed up stuff has hurt people.
That messed up stuff has hurt herself.
But she’s been hurt too.
She’s suffered losses.
She’s had to acquire messy coping skills.
But she isn’t broken.
She isn’t hopeless.
She certainly isn’t a punch-line.
She is SPECTACULAR.
Her journey is FACINATING.
She is one of the CHOSEN ONES.
Her mess is a blessing.
Her mess is beautiful.
Her imperfect journey holds the key to everything she’s
ever needed to be happy and feel whole inside.
She has nowhere to get to.
She’s already arrived.
She belongs to herself.
She belongs here.
She is the HOT MESS.
She’s here to play.
She’s here to stay.
At some point or another in your life you probably wished for your life to be flawless.
You might have dreamt as young child. You might have dreamt of perfection.
The perfect life, perfect friends, perfect job, perfect love, perfect house, perfect...
But for many of us, certain things happened in our formative years, and that perfect life that we dreamt of got... messy.
If you’re one of the resilient women in this scenario who's worked to overcome the messy parts, I tip my hat to you...
...and I wonder, if still find yourself influenced by the messiness of your past.
For some, this influence may be subtle A general feeling of anxiety and unsafety in the body Trouble focusing or spacing out Perfectionism Being conflict avoidant Isolation and trouble socializing
For others, this influence may be more obvious being a chronic follower or people pleaser being helpless and needed to be rescued feeling powerful by controlling or bullying others short-fused and hot-tempered avoiding or buffering reality with compulsive habits
For most, this influence will be fully expressed in their romantic relationships being overly attached being treated poorly being compelled to fix and care-take settling because you can’t deal with being single living in the fantasy of relationships rather than the reality of them carrying a torch for unavailable people using sex and sexuality as a way to experience emotional intimacy
And still, for many, it will be some combination of all of the three and this will keep sneaky shame alive in us.
What's Sneaky Shame?
Just about every therapist, coach or healer you go to is going to help you identify and work on healing and releasing some kind of obvious shame. The shame of... not being good enough, of rejection, of abandonment etc. I've discovered that sneaky shame can still infect and permeate our lives
1. despite how much knowledge we acquire about our obvious shame
2. no matter how much we try to overcome it
You know sneaky shame is at work when you're trapped in any of the influecnes listed above.
You know sneaky shame is at work when you still feel embarrassed about your past, confused with your present, and scared about your future.
Sneaky shame is insidious and not easy to work with to make the kind of changes you want to have a happy and aligned life.
So what can we do?
Rather than continuing to work tirelessly to locate and destroy shame like a
heat-seeking missile, I propose a simpler way to work with sneaky shame.
Integration is acknowledging the messy past while remaining centered in your life-giving present.
Being fully engaged in our present, how we feel, what we think, and especially what we do in our day-to-day is where the real juice and heat is that fuels real change and release from our hard-to-break patterns.
Releasing sneaky shame and integrating your messy past can be a playful and joyous process when you’re
Committed to fully engaging with your inner world
Committed to applying specific emotional skills in your life and with people
It’s wildly sensational, alchemical, and HOT.
A Life Free From the Shackles of Your Messy Past Is Your Birthright...
I know this because I had to realize it for myself...
Hi, I'm Michele. I grew up in a small town on the East Coast. My childhood was great in many ways and difficult in others. Starting at a young age I began to experience the influence of my difficult childhood experiences.
As soon as I got to college my mess really started showing. Low confidence, self-abandonment, estrangement from my family, substance abuse, troubled romantic relationships, unfulfilling work, mysterious health problems, and dis-ease ruled my reality.
I felt shame and confusion and didn’t know how to really live my life.
Despite how good my life appeared on the outside, I felt overwhelmed. I kept going, putting one foot in front of the other, coming to accept the constant anxiety, depression, and numbness because I didn’t know any other way.
Despite spending over a decade in therapists' offices, I felt like I had too much baggage, too much mess, too many blocks to find a path to healing and integration that worked for me.
When it finally clicked for me that all my therapy, coaching work, and self-help books took me only so far and that the real work for me was strengthening 5 underdeveloped emotional skills and applying them to my life and my relationships everything changed for me.
My past and current difficulties no longer plagued me.
My difficult recurring patterns became of great interet to me.
My complicated past became a source of pride and power.
My imperfect journey was attractive to me.
imagine a life
where your past no longer holds you hostage
where the pain of your inner world no longer spills into your outer reality
where your challenges become the foundation for your strength
where you embrace your journey with courage and self-assurance
where you reclaim your power and stand tall in your authenticity
This is the vision HOT MESS holds for you.
The Art of Integration
I've taken what I've experienced over the last 15 years as a sensitive, aware and growth-oriented woman seeking healing and everything I've learned and refined from the past seven years as a guide and mentor for women serving clients to do the very important work to shift their inner world so they can change their outer worlds.
HOT MESS is the same roadmap I used to clear
sneaky shame from my inner world.
While there are many, many fruits of healing your relationships with yourself like better physical health, better love life, more money and overall wellbeing to me all of this pails in comparison to the ultimate reward of getting to know, accept, love and appreciate yourself on the most intimate level.
HOT MESS is 12 weeks and begins
Sunday October 1, 2023.
Michele's program has been deeply transformational for me, to say the least. Each week, I feel like a layer of the onion had been peeled and each week was filled with so much insight, about who I am, what I want, what I need, and what I need to let go of. At the highest level, this program has allowed me to reconnect with my true authentic self and start to build a relationship with this true self. It's a process but I realized that this is so important for having the true, unconditional, abundant loving relationship that I've always wanted. Through this program, I finally realized why I kept attracting relationships that don't serve me - that there is still inner healing and shadow work to be done. Overall, I feel equipped with all of the tools and frameworks I need to build a healthy, deep, intentional relationship with myself and in turn, apply this to the relationship that I truly desire. The 6-week process is iterative and might not always be linear. I intend to go through this process (or parts of the process) a few times to uncover new insights about myself, my relationship patterns, my needs.
"Michele's skilled one-on-one and group coaching had a lasting, transformative effect on me! With my focus on improving self-care and building intimate relationships, Michele helped me detect the pertinent issues at hand and reflected back to me my positive, unique abilities and gave me encouragement and gentle pushes where needed. She created a safe space and encouraged me to dream: to let loose and freely express my visions and desires around dating and relationships. With Michele's guidance, I've learned how to better nurture and fortify myself with an inner strength and positive self-regard, which has consequently allowed me to see my present circumstances in a more grounded, centered and optimistic light.
What former group program participants have to say...
Here's the HOT MESS Flow
(your program curriclum)
UNLEASH YOUR NAUGHTY NEEDS
Move From Surviving to Thriving
One of the most challenging things about breaking patterns and moving beyond your past is knowing what it is you need. Many of us know our surface needs to survive but a HOT MESS knows her deepest (and more vulnerable) needs to thrive. In this module we’ll start at the foundation and take a deep dive into needs.
Gain a fresh perspective on needs and what purpose they serve in our lives and integrating our past
Understand the link between meeting your needs and healing the past
Name and commit to meeting your “naughty” needs
F*CK AROUND & LOVE YOURSELF UNCONDITIONALLY
Strengthen Your Spine
#selflove has become grossely overused, watered down and warped. A HOT MESS knows that real self-love is embodied, kinda scary and sometimes uncomfortable as hell. In this module we’ll unpack what it means to really honor and value yourself even when society tells you you shouldn’t.
Identify where in your life your self-esteem may have been damage
Craft your own definition of self-love
Learn how to move affirming and esteeming yourself from the head to the heart and body
360 Degress of The Real You
Identity emerges during childhood we start to understand our reality and self-concept hoever if we were ignored, attacked or abandoned we quickly learn it’s not safe to express our true selves. We hide, become chameleons, or take on false identities that fuel painful mess in our lives. In this module we’ll do some deep identity work that will help you get in right relatonship with your body, thoughts, emotions and behaviors.
Distinguish between your actual reality from the reality you present to the world
Understand how needs and identity work together
Rediscover who you are in the context of HOT MESS and the work we are doing and alchemy we are bringing to the world
BUTTON DOWN THEM BOUNDARIES
The Dance of Intimacy & Self-Protection
A HOT MESS knows that sneaky shame and painful patterns are perpetuated by a lack of or weakened boundaries. In this module we move into the ever important relational world by working deeply with boundaries.
Understand the the 5 boundary states and asses your own
Learn the sweet spot between vulnerability and self-protection
Engage in forgiveness work for yourself and others
The Path of Maturity & Inner Family Work
A misconception about healing and integration is that you or your life might start to become drab, boring or dull. This is because we can have a distorted perception of the “fun and excitement” we had before we realized that behavor or way of being wasn’t serving us. We do this by tending to and guiding our inner family members (our inner child, inner teen and inner critic). This final and most important module is about growing up while maintaining health, safety and aliveness.
Meet your inner family members
Understand the connecton between meeting the needs of your inner family, growing your emotional maturity and maintining joy and aliveness in your life
Work deeply with your inner family members
You'll be supported every step of the way inside
HOT MESS with these program components and access to additional program bonuses...
Here's What's Included In HOT MESS
(your program components)
11 LIVE Calls Sundays 11am PST-1pm PST
5 LIVE Teaching Modules: Inspiring lecture, stimulating dialogue, powerful practices and experiential integration assignments
6 LIVE Community Calls: Self-responsible sharing, intimate witnessing, question & answer, coaching & gentle mentorship, guided group EFT/Tapping, flower essence journeys
Lifetime Access to your course portal where you'll find all video lessons, replays, handouts and other resources to review during and after the program
A private online community so you feel supported and connected and inside a community of like-minded individuals who value this kind of growth and are rooting for you too
Other HOT MESS Goodies
(your program bonuses)
1. Private Session with Michele
Each HOT MESS participant will receive a 60-minute private session with me so you have that extra support and attention to further integrate what you're learning in the program.
priced at $199
2. The FOUNDATIONS Bundle
A collection of my most potent resources to build emotional resiliance and strengthen your foundation.
priced at $334
3. The HOT MESS Flower Essence Blend
A 4oz proprietary and magical blend of plant allies to support you along your journey in HOT MESS.
Angelica: feeling protected and cared for by benevolent spiritual beings; feeling the presence of a Higher Power
Fuchsia: emotional catharsis, integration of deep-seated emotions held in the body which may have never been fully experienced
Pine: Self-acceptance, self-forgiveness; freedom to move forward
Sage: Wisdom derived from life experience; ability to assess and understand life process from a higher perspective
Walnut: making healthy transitions in life, inner strength to follow one’s own path and destiny
priced at $54
There has never been a more important time than
now to do this work.
On a global level we need more HOT MESSES continuing to heal and resolve their traumas to aid in improving the collective health and safety of all people and....
to build a better world.
Do You Have Questions or Concerns?
I may have answers!
Does this course require special knowledge or experience?This course requires no specific knowledge or experience to take. The best thing you can do to prepare is to bring an open mind and willingness to grow.
Do I have to finish the course in a certain time period?Yes and no. While this program is designed to be completed over six week (one session per week) it is not a requirement. Once you register for the program you’ll have lifetime access to the Emotional Mastery material so you are free to design your own schedule and go at your own pace if you so choose. All of the videos, digital workbooks and bonuses are yours to keep forever so please take as long as you like to work through the material if you want to.
So, is this course like therapy?No. This is an educational course. While I do have a Psychology Degree and Masters of Education, I am not a licensed mental health professional and I do not provide psychotherapy, counseling, or any other mental health services that would require a license. What I provide in this course is education, training and access to coaching and Q&A videos about dating, relationships, healing and personal growth that all have the potential for substantial learning and life transformation.
I am working with a therapist already. Is it ok to take a course like this?ABSOLUTELY! And… I would mention it to your therapist. Here are my thoughts. Working with both a therapist and taking a transformational course like this can be a wonderful and complementary experience. In therapy, you get to look at every part of yourself that has shaped you into the person you are. With an online course like Date With Depth, created by a certified coach, you’ll get to look at who you are right now AND who you want to be. Having both a therapist and course like this can support each other as knowing how you came to be where you are will often help you become the person you want to be.
Is this course LGBTQ friendly and inclusive of diverse relationship models?Sure is! As the guide for this program, I’m in a heterosexual coupleship and use personal stories to teach the content inside Date With Depth. The course is not gender specific or oriented toward any specific sexual orientation. I welcome any feedback that will help make this program more inclusive as you go through the program.
What if I need more support? Is this program available with coaching?Yes! Inside the course portal I share more information about how to get private coaching support while taking this course.