About a year ago my partner and I did a photoshoot at a nearby lookout in our neighborhood and last night we went for an evening walk and took a couple of cute and silly selfies in the same spot.
We’ve been in San Francisco for some years now but we met in Austin, Texas.
When we started dating I thought we’d be staying in Austin for a while and building out a relationship there.
Then I was relocated to San Francisco to work for a month.
To be honest, I was shook.
As an anxiously attached woman I was nervous about being apart for a month.
I'd feel abandoned during long stretches of not talking
he'd have more fun without me
some other woman would catch his eye
I wouldn't be able to keep his attention all the way in SF
These fears are mine and aren't my partner's responsibility. I know this. And at the core was a desire to feel connected and stable while we were apart.
Thankfully at this point in my growth I'd had enough practice working with my own Desire. So I sat down with a pad and a pen and wrote a question at the top:
What do I want?
I set a timer for 10 mins and started writing the things I needed and wanted during this month long separation.
to text each other good morning when we wake up
to text each other goodnight when we head to bed
to have a 30 min connection call 3x a week
to send each other selfies at random moments
him to text if he will be away from his phone for extended amounts of time doing other things
ARE THESE DESIRES CRAZY?
DO YOU JUDGE ME FOR ASKING FOR TOO MUCH?
DO YOU THINK I'M BEING DEMANDING?
DO YOU THINK I'M BEING NEEDY?
If any of these thoughts crossed your mind, I had the SAME ONES :-)
That’s the power of learning to work with Desire.
Meeting the voices with curiosity and respect and moving forward anyway.
Voices that will try to convince you stepping towards the deepest desires are dangerous, shameful or out of reach.
The key is to remember the actions I’d ask for are stepping stones to the Desire to feel connected and stable while we were apart. And this is what I had to root into BEFORE I ask for these things.