The next way we can heal while we’re dating and seeking committed relationship is all about boundaries.
(4) Empowering yourself by setting and holding healthy boundaries where you didn't use your voice before
EXAMPLE: This came up for me all the time when I wanted to DEFINE a dating experience I was in... AKA having "the talk". The talk was always so damn hard for me. I remember needing to have this talk when I was in my mid 20s. I was dating someone I really liked. We had been going on dates, meeting each other’s friends and already been physical with each other for about 2 months. I knew what I wanted after month one (not seeing anyone else) but I tried to ignore it, put it off as long as possible and also tried to dance around it. Why? Because I thought at best it could make me feel vulnerable, exposed and awkward and at worst confront me with the truth that the person I want to move forward with doesn’t want to move forward with me. I hated both of those scenarios so I'd allow for things that I didn't want and stay silent. It was very painful.
HEALING: Defining a relationship whether it's becoming monogamous, getting clarity about how someone feels about you or agreeing to longer term vision/future with someone ACTUALLY IS BOUNDARY SETTING. It's both knowing the relationship you want to have and having the courage to stand up for it by speaking up for it. When I finally had the courage to ask the man I was seeing in my mid 20s, "So what are we?" I felt messy, awkward and scared using my voice to say what I wanted. I felt so empowered on the other side of it when I was able to move forward with this man because the boundaries of our connection had finally been defined.
LESSON: Dating is such a powerful place to heal weak boundaries and strengthen your voice.