Many of us think that when we're heartbroken it's because of something out there. Consider the ways we break our own hearts:
We pick partners we want to change or fix
We want to be in charge in the relationship
We parent inside our partnerships
We give up our needs & identity in the name of love
We run when they move closer
We chase after and stay with unavailable people
Listen, I get it and so do many other people reading this post.
Nothing is accidental or coincidental. These patterns represent something unfulfilled & unresolved so of course we are going to keep trying to complete it.
Here’s the thing: Left unchecked these behaviors will lead to heartbreak over and over again.
Because the repetitive recycling of experiences via our unhealthy patterns of love has everything to do with the unfulfilled and unresolved things INSIDE OF US.
I had a relationship in my early 20s where I broke my own heart. I met him when I was out partying and went home with him that same night. I knew I wanted a relationship and after being physical with him so quickly I convinced myself that relationship was out of the question. However, we did develop a relationship and it broke this belief I had that it was impossible to develop a relationship with someone after sleeping with them early on. Because I had unresolved issues inside me I got SUPER attached to this person.
Even when it was clear the relationship wasn't healthy and he wanted to end it I couldn't let go. It was so painful. This pattern of mine, not being able to let go due to fear of abandonment and low self-esteem, continued into my 30s. It wasn't until I did an overhaul on myself and my love life did I see this pattern and start to take steps toward calling in healthy love.
So today, a gentle reminder: I beg you. Please stop breaking your own heart over and over again. Instead step back, look at the pattern and do the inner work to create new and healthier ones.
🌿Women's Mentor @womencanheal