We've been in a beautiful inquiry on whether or not we want to have kids.
It’s been a gentle, intimate and emotionally sober conversation for about a month. We're both committed to growth and healing together and committed to the relationship.
We have done so much work together.
Like SO much.
This inquiry is multi-layered for me.
Here are some of the layers:
I’m considering this later in life. I’m 39 with an auto-immune disorder that has been in remission for many years but given these factors I’d be high risk and conceiving and carrying to term could be very difficult. I have some fear of the emotional impact that could have on me.
My partner and I enjoy our freedom and independence. We’ve talked about traveling and living in different places. We have more growth work we want to do. We like focusing on ourselves, each other, friends and immediate family. I also feel like I’m *just* starting to integrate after 5 years of consistent of healing and growth work.
The last layer that feels more vulnerable and harder to put into words is that something is calling me into motherhood and I don’t know if it true desire or fantasy.
Part of me enjoys the IDEA of motherhood. Enjoys the idea of it bringing my family even closer together. Enjoys the idea of it changing my life and giving me a "real" sense of purpose. But these are ideas. Or are they desires? I’m sitting with the question and staying open to guidance.
This kind of inquiry is the crux of the work we do here at Women Can Heal.
We tackle big questions in love and life with an open mind and heart.
We are in service to three things here:
1. Your Internal Security
2. Integration of Your Past Struggles
3. Emotional Freedom In All Areas of Your Life
Being part of something in service to these makes this important life decision (kids or no kids) much simpler to navigate.
Not easier but simpler.
I don’t know what will happen, what we'll decide or how I'll feel, but since I’m rooted in my own internal security, on my journey of integration and committed to being present to all the feelings coming up I know in my heart of heart what we decide will be the right choice.