Marco Polo has singlehandedly saved my relationship.

Well, not singlehandedly. But it’s been a powerful tool for healing and connection in my relationship. The scene: I’m upset and feeling stuck in a old pattern. I’ve shut down and can’t see clearly or communicate my needs directly to him. Time and/or circumstance does not allow us to work it through in the moment in person. We need to part ways. Work or some other commitment is calling us. How have we learned to stay connected, be heard, seen and felt while working toward healing and reconciliation? We send video messages back and forth as many times as it takes while we are apart. We press “start” and enter a container where there is permission to share the full expression of our desire, hurt feelings and needs. We slow down and allow ourselves to see and be seen as we record ourselves on video. To hear and be heard knowing the other will be hearing once wepress “stop” and the recording sends. To feel and be felt in connection. For my relationship this has been a wonderful tool. When we are triggered we tend to move fast and stop seeing, hearing and feeling each other. We tend to close off for protection. I’ve learned to be compassionate to myself and him in these states.

We are doing some deep inner healing work individually and as a partnership. While we do this we are working on caring for each other’s nervous systems more and more. Sometimes we don’t or can’t. So we need to pause and slow down but stay connected. Our video messages help us do that. They help us soften when we feel hardened. They help us open when we feel closed. They help us let go when we want to grip.

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