I see a lot dating and relationship writing on public platforms.
Some of it shines light on the success found on the other side of the inner work needed to step into the healthy partnership your heart desires and just a glimmer on the struggle before the breakthrough.
What about all that stuff that happens before the happy ending?
What about the shadow parts of love and growth?
It's so normal to struggle in our relationships when we don't have awareness.
It truly is.
I struggled so much.
I had a very clear pattern of becoming intensely bonded and falling "madly" in love with men and this pattern came with a host of unhealthy behaviors.
This pattern would usually start before they (and even I) knew I was interested.
At some point they would do or say something that would alleviate the pain of my own low self-worth. Maybe it was a look, maybe it was attention, maybe it was making the first move. Whatever it was it would fill an emptiness inside me and it felt damn good to have that emptiness filled.
I'd get attached.
Really attached.
The relationship would be passionate and fun at first and then would always take a turn when the man wouldn't give me more of what I wanted (filling the emptiness) and pull away.
I'd panic and grip more. They'd have to break it off and I'd be heartbroken.
I'd turn to alcohol to numb my pain and it would give me the liquid courage to show up unannounced. I'd beg for them back. Try to work things out. Sometimes I was convincing and I'd be able to "save" the relationship and get another couple of months out of it. But ultimately it would end and I'd feel more empty, more confused and more hurt than before.
I asked myself “Why am repeating this cycle?”
What I didn't know was that I was trying to complete something emotionally that COULD NOT be completed with these men.
When I became aware of this it changed the whole game for me.
The Ultimate Guide to Self-Sabotaging Patterns of Love is your first step to awareness.
In my new resource I share 9 patterns of self-sabotaging love, next steps for healing and tools to fortify yourself as you begin this work.⠀