Stability from within

I coach women who sometimes don’t want to say the truth to their objects of affection. They know what their truth is but they have reasons for not telling it. They tell me they don’t want to rock the boat (avoidance) or they tell me it’s not a big deal (denial). I have a ton of compassion for these women because I am so intimate with the withholding behavior pattern myself. I used to believe that by withholding my truth about what I think and how I feel and especially what I want, I would be sparing my date pain or discomfort. After several years of healing and self-inquiry I’ve learned what I’m really doing by withholding (or not speaking my truth) is trying to protect myself from the response I fear the most. Responses that would activate deep feelings inside me that were already there before I met this guy. (1) Abandonment via being broken up with, ghosted or experiencing emotional withdrawal (2) Not good enough via being told I was being too much, too serious, too dramatic I strive to bring stability to my relationships by doing the inner work myself. The inner work is getting close with myself. With my needs, my wants, my boundaries, all of it and letting myself be seen…courageously. So while the quote above says a dating relationship isn’t stable if you don’t feel like you can have real conversations, I don’t think it’s because of the other person. Personal power lies in creating your own emotional stability.

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