I’ve been thinking about safety a lot and what it means to me.
I’m realizing that the meaning of the word changes with context, people I’m with, the environment I’m in, and is rooted in my background and my life experiences.
It’s important to realize that what may be safe for you might be unsafe for me.
Then I got to thinking about this in the context of dating & relationships.
When I was learning to date more intentionally and find a healthy committed relationship I didn’t understand that the people I was approaching for romantic intimacy (and allowing to approach me for romantic intimacy) were giving me important information about myself and about my own emotional safety.
See, I had a habit of feeling afraid of rejection, abandonment and feeling not good enough and so when I dated I was constantly trying to be validated, secured and reassured. I was also overbearing, controlling and possessive which is just another manifestation of fear.
It was a HUGE awakening for me to realize this: I could build up my own emotional resilience (take responsibility for my emotional needs and be more empowered) so that I could create my own emotional safety in the world and have an entirely different experience in dating and relationships.
This was huge.
So when I committed to this inner work and building up my emotional resilience it was like the lens on the glasses I’d been wearing all this time were finally cleaned off.
Instead of seeing potential partners as a constant threat to my safety and as a reflection of my own fears and limiting beliefs, I developed a strong foundation of love and acceptance for myself and my process. I started feeing more safe and seeing potential partners as mirror of my own self-worth.
It wasn’t easy and still isn’t now that I am in a longterm committed relationship. Some days I have to work really hard to be emotionally resilient - to create emotional safety from within rather than grab for it from him.
Today a gentle reminder that feeling safe in the world is in part an inside job. No matter where you’re at in your journey you can start right now from within.